why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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