At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
