I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish you could order shots online.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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