If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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