Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize