he thought i was a dude.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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