i think i have two assholes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
