I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
