haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
