She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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