my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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