it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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