im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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