your parents love me but you hate me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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