I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize