I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
