i just google imaged poop.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
a search helicopter?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
