i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
