you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
