I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
