He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
