When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
