i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
