Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
