maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
