4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
