Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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