i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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