No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
