Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The adults are the big ones right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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