id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
