carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
