you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
