i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
