We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize