it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
