If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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