Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
