Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
