No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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