between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
