I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
