everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
