puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize