Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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