i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
