some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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