I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize