You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
