Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
