I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
