just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this just has baby written all over it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
