hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
