i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
