so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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