idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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