I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
