I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize