my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
