I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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