there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize