how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
