I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
