Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
