Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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