last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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