a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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