arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
