We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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