I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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