That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
