I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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