haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
