You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
