I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
