So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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