No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
