I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize