Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
