even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So much rum. So many feels.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
