I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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