what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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