i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
