she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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