I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
