i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
