I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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