I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
