i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
