If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
