The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
