who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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