So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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