Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
