True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
