Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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