Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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