On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
