I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
