i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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