Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
FUCK WHALES
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
