So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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