Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
