i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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