You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
