Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
